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Colorless violet. Why cant I finish this says the youngest of the coalminers dislodging a rock and climbing to daylight hoisting himself above the cigarette. I agree the end sort of dissolves. I move from desert to Baltimore to the coalminers pretty smoothly and the minks connect brunette and dark underground well. I get some conflict between gasping for air and contemplating suicide 5 lines later. The climbing to daylight seems too casual or offhand. lf they are really going to escape There should be something there - not necessarily elation or cheering crowds but something tangible either emotional or physical. Youve got the camels bummed out the brunette also seems somewhat dejected. I guess you could leave them down there -the one guy could dislodge a rock but not necessarily the crucial one. Perhaps his or their imagination could move to some image reflecting the camels dream. I guess thats pretty wooden. break. He wraps a black shawl around his shoulders contemplating sunlight. Colorless violet. Why cant I finish thisl says the youngest of the coalminers dislodging a rock Maybe you could do something with the glowing orange coal on his cigarette Boy that sounds amateurish. I keep thinking the youngest coal miner is going to be down there thinking of sleeping on the beach at Croatan checking out the honeys in bikinis.